Disturbed in the Suburb
by DarkAngelSnapeLover
Summary: This is an April Fools' Day fanfic, and guess what career choice Raymond has decided to pursuit on this lovely day. Rated M for sexual content.


**Disturbed in the Suburb**

"Ray! Get down here!" Debra screamed. The kids were running around the table screaming for breakfast and Raymond was running late, again.

"I'm coming!" Ray called down the stairs. As he comes into the audience's view, cheers, whistles, laughter, and other noises flood the scene.

Today is April Fools' Day, and Raymond was taking it out in style. He was going to convince Debra that he was a pimp, kids or no kids.

As he enters the kitchen, Debra drops a large bowl that she was washing. Her mouth was wide open as the kids stopped running and Raymond's parents from across the street were opening the door, but due to the abrupt stop in activity, the door was now opening itself.

"Hello, Mama!" Raymond growled, the audience howling with laughter.

"What happened to your son?" Frank asked to Marie, who shook her head and sat down at the head of the table.

"Raymond, what have you done to yourself?" Marie exclaimed. Raymond smirked, revealing a gold tooth. He took off his pimp hat and placed it on the table.

"I've changed jobs, Mama. I'm a new man now, Reverend River," he whispered, rolling his r's and causing another set of laughter from the audience.

"Daddy, what about the paper?" Ally asked. Raymond put his cane on his shoulder.

"They'll only have my ads in it," he smiled, looking to Debra. "Tonight, we get you a job too, and Marie, you have a new reason to get your groove on."

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed, putting her head on the table. "Raymond, what are you doing to yourself? What about the children? What about me?" she sobbed. She quickly composed herself over the audience's laughter and looked up to Ray. "I thought you were the good son, the son who could do no wrong, but now you make Robby's worse faults good. What happened to you?"

"Like I said, I'm a new man," Raymond grinned, changing his posture to spread his legs. The audience laughed as his twins walked in front of him.

"Daddy, what about the old man?" they asked together.

"He's gone, little dudes. Now you've got Reverend River," Raymond replied, looking up to Debra. "Make me a cake my main girl."

"Not until you tell me what the hell is going on!" she demanded. "Kids, upstairs!"

The children ran upstairs and Debra went to stand beside Frank and Marie, who were now both seated.

"Ray, what's with this new change of character? You come in here dressed in…pimp clothes and start calling yourself 'Reverend River,' but for what, some cheap laughs?" Debra asked.

"Yeah! What's with you? You're even making me take her side!" Marie exclaimed. The audience groaned as Raymond gave a smirk. He was going to play out his joke as long as it took for them to believe him.

"Everyone can be together now, the Reverend is here," he smiled, putting his hat back on his head, causing the audience to cheer.

"That doesn't explain this, son. Give your mother and your wife a straight answer," Frank said sternly.

"No, _mi padre_, I won't. I'm Reverend River now, and Reverend River has business to tend to, transactions to oversee, people to meet with," he smiled. He then left the room and walked to exit through the living room, where Robert stood ready to open the door. As soon as Raymond did so, his mouth fell open.

"Oh my God!" he screamed, the audience laughing and clapping with the sudden twist to the plot. Robert was dressed the same way. "Why are you copying me?"

"Why are you stealing my groove, Bobby Boy?" Raymond asked, remaining in character as the family entered the door slowly. Marie immediately sat in the nearby arm chair.

"What's happened to my sons?" she cried. "Boys! Explain yourselves to your poor mother!"

"He did it to me again," Robert said quietly. "He did it to me again. All my life I've been trying to escape the good son, the son who could do no wrong, and then he does this. I had the idea, I told him about it, and now I'm the one who's been screwed in the butt."

"What about your family, boys? Why are you doing this?" Marie sobbed.

"Wait, you both are in on this? What is this for?" Debra asked.

"Can't you see through the fuzz, Debra? It's April Fools' Day and Raymond is taking it from me once again!" Robert exclaimed.

"Man, Robert!" Raymond groaned, back to his normal self and throwing his hat at the door. "You're taking this from me too! I thought I had them, every last one of them, and then you showed up," he sighed. "Man, and this was my idea! He forgets that I told him about this in January when we watched that movie about April Fools' Day, and now he's trying to copy what I've planned for months. I went out and bought this shirt, and these pants. Those were already in his closet. He's the real pimp."

"Pimp!" Marie exclaimed. "I thought you were in a cult!"

The audience groaned and laughed as Robert sat down on the couch. He put his hat on the coffee table on top of a children's toy and then looked to the group.

"I guess we should tell them then, Raymond," Robert whispered.

"Tell us what?" Frank asked. "That you're not really a fairy?"

The audience laughed as Raymond stood behind him.

"No, Dad, he's not a fairy, he's a pimp. He's been one for years now, but he's just hid it from you, taking calls and emails privately and scheduling dates with his ho's. I hid it from you, all of you. I've got the files hidden at work," Raymond explained. Marie shook her head.

"I always knew you'd do something like this," she sighed angrily. The audience laughed as Debra sat down on the couch.

"I don't know why you'd want to hide being a pimp. We've been thinking you were gay since that playground incident, or the bull incident," Frank laughed.

"There really was a bull!" Robert bellowed. "Now, I have to go arrange an appointment. Catch you later, Reverend River," Robert said sultry-like. He then left the house. Debra sighed.

"I can't believe you're all taking today so seriously. Kids! Come get breakfast!" Debra called.

"You haven't fed the children!" Marie exclaimed. She gasped and waddled towards the kitchen, stopping by the refrigerator immediately. She pulled out the eggs and bacon and carried them to the stove. "Debra, just sit down. You're obviously not doing well enough today to be working here in the kitchen," Marie whispered sharply. Debra smiled to herself.

"Well, since you're here, I'm leaving. Ray! I'm leaving!" Debra called. She took her car keys and left the house. Her plan had worked and she was on her way to the spa as Raymond wandered back into the kitchen wearing his normal clothes. The children had since gathered around the table.

"Hey, where's your mom?" Raymond asked.

"She left a few minutes ago because she is unfit to be a mother," Marie replied. Frank laughed.

"She's just unfit for you. Leave the woman alone!" Frank smiled. The audience laughed as Raymond sat down.

"Well, I guess I can eat too," he grinned, watching his mother fix breakfast.

­­­­­­­­_____________________

Debra walked into the brick building alone wearing a new outfit: a black mini skirt with pink fishnet stockings complete with platform boots all below a low-cut, semi-see-through black shirt that covered her arms in the remaining cold. Inside, she revealed her makeup: heavy eye makeup, rogue, a fake mole on her right cheek, and shimmering red lipstick that shimmered more because she was chewing gum. She immediately nodded to a woman at a counter and walked into the lobby and got onto an elevator, taking it up to the ninth floor. Once there, she walked through a maze of hallways until she got to an office door. She knocked, revealing a fresh manicure and fake nails. Robert opened the door and the audience laughed as he stood with his pinstripe suit, mink over the top, with his pimp hat, complete with a feather.

"Hello, Debbie Dear," Robert smiled, wiping some invisible dust from her shoulder. "Come inside for our little business," he grinned, leading her inside.

Once in the office, the lights were reduced to candles and one single light coming from behind a camera. The desk was covered with papers and files, but that soon changed as Robert threw off everything in one giant swoop.

"Come for Papa," he growled, and Debra jumped on the desk, legs sprawled, revealing that she was wearing no underwear. Robert grinned and ripped off his suit in one tug. "That's my girl."

He climbed onto the desk wearing nothing but socks and leaned Debra so that the camera could easily focus on the sexual area of the two. Once they began kissing, Debra allowed Robert to rip off her shirt, which was already thin, revealing her busty rack. Robert growled loudly.

"Spread 'em, Darling, we get you wet before you get my seeds," he whispered, putting his head between her legs and letting his large tongue lick deep inside. He felt her grow wet as he swirled and slurped until she finally called out.

"Get inside, get inside…," she moaned, and he obeyed, leaning up and hiking his ass in the air, allowing the camera full access to the real show, his penis penetrating her vagina. She moaned and he growled and the camera kept on rolling until Debra's hair was messed up and both had released their precious juices, which ran onto the table slightly as the two looked to the camera.

"Happy April Fools, Raymond. This next child's mine," he smirked, taking Debra back onto the table and continuing with their adulterous act.

_____________________

Raymond looked to Debra and Robert carefully. Debra had put on a lot of weight since this time, at least thirty pounds, and Raymond had no idea.

"Merry Christmas," Robert smiled.

"But…but…she's my wife!" Raymond exclaimed, crying really.

"Well, it's his," Debra smiled. "Oh!" she cried out. "It's time!" she called. The two men rushed to the stairs and ran up. Robert immediately went into the bathroom and pulled out Debra's luggage as she settled into the car. Raymond was running around like a chicken with his head cut off as Robert jumped into the car with Debra and sped away.

_____________________

Marie and Frank stood outside the window to see their latest gtrandchild for the first time. Raymond sat behind them with his head in his hands. He couldn't believe this latest change in his life, and he wasn't ready for the words spilling from his mother's mouth as they saw the baby for the first time.

"Aww, it looks just like Robby!" Marie exclaimed. She then scowled and looked back to Raymond. "I knew there was something wrong with this picture. You're not capable anymore, Raymond. I'm very disappointed in you, making your wife turn to the bad son for a baby. You should be ashamed of yourself."

"But…it was their idea!" Raymond exclaimed. A nurse shushed him from nearby. Raymond sighed and closed his eyes. He then woke up screaming.

"What is it?" Debra asked. It was two in the morning, just now April the first. Raymond exhaled slowly.

"Nothing, just a bad dream," he whispered. He then looked to the shining object in his closet. The moon was reflecting off something, his pimp costume for the next day. "No, I can't," he said under his breath. He then closed his eyes and returned to his slumber.


End file.
